14
Nov 12

Things I saw in my kids’ school cafeteria today

A lunch lady in a faux fur vest and purple apron.
School-issued lunches consisting of a thin slice of unnaturally colored mystery meat on a hot dog bun.
Offensively indiscriminate use of ketchup and mayo packets.
A child with an entire salt shaker in her lunchbox.
So much open-mouthed chewing.
Fruit cocktail from a can.


25
Oct 12

Branson, Missouri

A friend and I drove nearly 20 hours to get to Branson, Missouri today. We just arrived about an hour ago. It’s 12:35 AM. We’re hungry, so we came to the only place still serving food – The Andy Williams Moon River Grill. I am immediately inspired to make a list of the strangeness in Branson:

1. So many giant photos and billboards of elderly celebrities wearing sequins
2. The Andy Williams Moon River Grill
3. Yakov Smirnov
4. Whoa everyone is old here
5. They call Branson “MoVegas”
6. A Dolly Parton tribute show (isn’t she still alive?)
7. TV commercials selling tickets for “Lunch with Greg Brady”


17
Sep 12

Some myths and lies

You look good in that bow-tie.

No one got hurt. That’s all that matters.

As long as you’re happy. That’s all that matters.

It’s the little things that matter.

There’s no such thing as a stupid question.

Diet ______ is just as good as regular.

I’m committed to ________, I just don’t have time to spend on it.

You don’t need to put salt on that.

You can’t change how you feel.